How do I know if my girlfriend is turned on? How can I tell if a woman wants sex? What does a sex hungry woman look like?
Since starting Girl Boner®, I get asked these questions a lot. A whole lot.
While there are exceptions, much of what’s available online isn’t exactly helpful, empowering or even factual when it comes to answering these questions.
In researching the topic, I’ve come across articles that say, almost verbatim, “Women are complicated and confusing, in the bedroom, too!,” then go on to list body language cues so subtle that they could simply mean she has dry lips, feels shy or shifted positions in her chair to feel more comfortable. Others list physical cues reminiscent of porn—i.e., if a woman sticks her butt out as you walk by, she’s into you and wants sex. (That’s an actual quote. #umwhat) Adult films show arousal, of course, but most are designed as entertainment, not sex ed or realistic how-tos.
So here’s the thing.
If you’re not sure whether a woman you’re with is turned on and interested in sex (important: all genders can be turned on and not want sex, and vice versa), ask! Seriously. It’s perfectly okay, and IMO, kind, respectful and very often hot. Ask with genuine care, and she’ll tell you.
Communicating about physical intimacy can make for incredible foreplay and draw you closer physically and/or emotionally. More importantly, it can help ensure that you’re both on the same page and 100% comfortable as you decide whether or not to engage sexually.
As for those physical signs, guess what! While we’re all unique, all genders experience the same stages of arousal. (We have sexual science pioneers Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson to thank for that knowledge.) I suspect we’ll explore those more here in Girl Boner-ville very soon…
In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you! How have you learned to communicate about sex-readiness with your partner(s)? What questions do you have about arousal? If you’d prefer to reach out privately, do so here.